So you got knocked up? (getting pregnant) Honey, your sperm really do work! (pregnancy test) Barf-o-rama (morning sickness) Niagara in my pants (vaginal discharge) Psycho chick (hormonal rage) Holy shit, I think I hard-boiled my baby! (taking hot baths) Granny panties (letting go of the g-string) I can either pee on you or you can get the hell out of my way! (frequent pee breaks) Passing stonehenge (constipation) Is it a penis or a vagina? (finding out the sex) Can I have a mustard sandwich with pickles, anchovies, peanut butter, and a little cottage cheese? ... oh, and throw a few fish sticks on there! (cravings) Where in the hell can I find a muumuu? (nothing to wear) Freddy Kruger ain't got nothing on me! (dreams) Is that an apple on your rectum, or are you happy to see me? (hemorrhoids) Hi, porn star! (engorged breasts) Ready and squeeze ... your kegels (an exercise for the vagina) Well, it's not 1972 anymore! (baby boomers explaining how it was in their day) Did a sewer tank explode, or did you just fart? (gas) Hands off, dude! (strangers touching your belly) I can't see! I'm bleeding! I can't stand it! (weird and painful bits and pieces) Www.ihavetostopbuyingbabyshit.com (on-line baby stores) Is it hot in here or is it just me? ... it's just me (hot flashes and fainting spells) Oh, oh, oh, oh, oooooooohhhhhhh! ... I'll take another one of those please! (orgasms in pregnancy) The crying game (hormonal blues) So, anyway, like I was saying ... wait, what was I saying? (wandering mind) Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the prettiest pregnant lady of them all? clearly not you, lady! (face acne and rashes) It's a bird! it's a plane!! no, it's a really swollen pregnant lady! (water retention) The McRib sandwich (back pain) Headaches (headaches ... duh) That ain't my ass! (cellulite gain) No, not yet! I'm not ready for this yet! (premature labor) Poopin' on the table (the dark side of delivery) The blue twinkies (your swollen vagina) Die, model bitch, die! (hating skinny people Ooooh! I think I felt the baby move ... or maybe it's just gas (baby kicks) Organizing freak (your nesting instinct) Breathing for dummies (Lamaze) What the fu*k are these? (stretch marks) I just need to lie down for, like, five minutes ... okay, maybe three months (sleepiness) Pig in the pasture (sex in the ninth month) The moment of truth (labor and delivery) Let me repeat (husband no no's)
