Stories to keep you alive despite vampires

"If you are reading this book, then you must be trapped in that spooky house with those Vampires. Sorry, about that. But! You might just make it out if you manage to tell them one scary each night. (That's standard vampire rules). (They have to be entertained by the stories, mind you.) Don't know any scary stories? Good thing you found this book! Every tale in this tome is true, more or less. (More more than less). You get a little bit of everyth...